‘That is the dad and this is the mum’
Parent-child co-construction of heterosexual identities in conversations
DOI:
https://doi.org/10.1558/genl.v6i2.405Keywords:
sexual identity, heteronormativity, child language, conversation, SwedishAbstract
Based on a corpus of everyday adult-child conversations in Swedish, the study uses interactional linguistics to explore how sexual identity is managed by adults and young children. The five children are studied longitudinally, from about one and a half to three and a half years of age. The management of sexual identity is shown overwhelmingly to concern the management of heterosexuality, the conversations showing a strongly heteronormative view. Two areas are identified through which adults and children recreate heteronormativity. The first of these is romantic attraction, through comments and discussions concerning attractiveness, weddings and marriage, kissing, and handholding. The second area involves heterosexual couples and families, such as a speaker talking about a neighbouring couple or family, or speakers creating a 'play family' using stuffed animals. The analysis shows how the normalising of the heterosexual nuclear family starts early in life for the children involved, and how it is part of ordinary everyday activities. The analysis also indicates a gender difference, in that talk concerning romantic attraction is mainly found in conversations with girls, and the construction of pretend families during make believe and playing only exists in conversations with girls.
References
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Angelides, S. (2011) What’s behind child sex panics? The Bill Henson scandal. Lambda Nordica 16(2-3): 102–27.
Annfelt, T., andersen, B. and Bolsø, a. (eds) (2007) Når heteroseksualiteten må forklare seg. Trondheim: Tapir akademisk Forlag.
Austin, J. L. (1962) How to Do Things with Words. Oxford: clarendon Press.
Bing, J. M. and Bergvall, V. (1996) The question of questions: Beyond binary thinking. In V. L. Bergvall, J. M. Bing and a. F. Freed (eds) Rethinking Language and Gender Research: Theory and Practice 1–30. London: Longman.
Blaise, M. (2005) a feminist poststructuralist study of children ‘doing’ gender in an urban kindergarten classroom. Early Childhood Research Quarterly 20: 85–108. http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.ecresq.2005.01.002
Boldt, G. M. (1996) Sexist and heterosexist responses to gender bending in an elementary classroom. Curriculum Inquiry 26(2): 113–31. http://dx.doi.org/10.2307/1180039
Bucholtz, M. and Hall, K. (2004) Theorizing identity in language and sexuality research. Language in Society 33: 469–515. http://dx.doi.org/10.1017/S0047404504334020
Butler, J. (1990) Gender Trouble: Feminism and the Subversion of Identity. New York: Routledge.
Cahill, B. J. and Theilheimer, R. (1999) Stonewall in the housekeeping area: Gay and lesbian issues in the early childhood classroom. In W. J. Letts IV and J. T. Sears (eds) Queering Elementary Education: Advancing the Dialogue About Sexualities and Schooling 39–48. New York: Rowman and Littlefield.
Cameron, D. (1997) Performing gender identity: Young men’s talk and the construction of heterosexual masculinity. In S. Johnson and U. Meinhof (eds) Language and Masculinity 47–64. Oxford : Blackwell.
Cameron, D. and Kulick, D. (2003) Language and Sexuality. cambridge: cambridge University Press. http://dx.doi.org/10.1017/cBO9780511791178
Cameron, D. and Kulick, D. (2006) General introduction. In D. cameron and D. Kulick (eds) The Language and Sexuality Reader 1–12. London: Routledge.
Clark, E. V. (2009) First Language Acquisition. 2nd edn. cambridge: cambridge University Press. http://dx.doi.org/10.1017/cBO9780511806698
Davies, B. (2003) Frogs and Snails and Feminist Tales: Preschool Children and Gender. Revised edition. cresskill, NJ: Hampton Press.
Eckert, P. (1994) Entering the heterosexual marketplace: Identities of subordination as a developmental imperative. Working Papers on Learning and Identity 2. Palo alto: Institute for Research on Learning. http://www.stanford. edu/~eckert/PDF/subordination.pdf
Eckert, P. (1996) Vowels and nail polish: The emergence of linguistic style in the preadolescent heterosexual marketplace. In N. Warner, J. ahlers, L. Bilmes, M. Oliver, S. Wertheim and M. chen (eds) Gender and Belief Systems 183–90. Berkeley: Berkeley Women and Language Group.
Eckert, P. and Mcconnell-Ginet, S. (2003) Language and Gender. cambridge: cambridge University Press. http://dx.doi.org/10.1017/cBO9780511791147
Epstein, D., Kehily, M., Mac an Ghaill, M. and Redman, P. (2001) Boys and girls come out to play: Making masculinities and femininities in school playgrounds. Men and Masculinities 4(2): 158–72. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/1097184X01004002004
Fausto-Sterling, a. (1993) The five sexes: Why male and female are not enough. The Sciences March/april: 20–24.
Fausto-Sterling, a. (2000) The five sexes, revisited. The Sciences July/august: 19–23.
Filipi, a. (2007) a toddler’s treatment of ‘mm’ and ‘mm hm’ in talk with a parent. Australian Review of Applied Linguistics 30(3): 33.1–33.17.
Forrester, M. a. (2008) The emergence of self-repair: a case study of one child during the early preschool years. Research on Language and Social Interaction 41(1): 99–128. http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/08351810701691206
Gardner, H. and Forrester, M. (eds) (2010) Analysing Interactions in Childhood: Insights from Conversation Analysis. chichester: Wiley-Blackwell.
Håkansson, G. (1998) Språkinlärning hos barn. Lund: Studentlitteratur.
Kane, E. W. (2006) ‘No way my boys are going to be like that! Parents’ responses to children’s gender nonconformity. Gender and Society 20(2): 149–76. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/0891243205284276
Katz, J. N. (2007) The Invention of Heterosexuality. chicago and London: University of chicago Press.
Kiesling, S. F. (2002) Playing the straight man: Displaying and maintaining male heterosexuality in discourse. In K. campbell-Kibler, R. J. Podesva, S. J. Roberts and a. Wong (eds) Language and Sexuality: Contesting Meaning in Theory and Practice 249–66. Stanford: cSLI Publications.
Kitzinger, c. (2005a) Heteronormativity in action: Reproducing the heterosexual nuclear family in after-hours medical calls. Social Problems 52(4): 477–98. http://dx.doi.org/10.1525/sp.2005.52.4.477
Kitzinger, c. (2005b) ‘Speaking as a heterosexual’: (How) does sexuality matter for talk-in-interaction? Research on Language and Social Interaction 38(3): 221–65. http://dx.doi.org/10.1207/s15327973rlsi3803_2
Kulick, D. (ed) (2005) Queersverige. Stockholm: Natur och Kultur.
Land, V. and Kitzinger, c. (2005) Speaking as a lesbian: correcting the heterosexist assumption. Research on Language and Social Interaction 38(4): 371–416. http://dx.doi.org/10.1207/s15327973rlsi3804_1
Land, V. and Kitzinger, c. (2011) categories in talk-in-interaction: Gendering speaker and recipient. In S. a. Speer and E. Stokoe (eds) Conversation and Gender 48–63. cambridge: cambridge University Press.
Lever, J. (1976) Sex differences in the games children play. Social Problems 23(4): 478–87. http://dx.doi.org/10.1525/sp.1976.23.4.03a00100
Lindahl, L. B., Heimann, M. and Balheden, S. (1997) connections between degree of social proximity and gender typed play in mother-infant interactions. Göteborg Psychological Reports 27(11): 1–12.
Lindsey, E. W. and Mize, J. (2001) contextual differences in parent-child play: Implications for children’s gender role revelopment. Sex Roles 44(3/4): 155–76. http://dx.doi.org/10.1023/a:1010950919451
Lindström, J. (2006) Interactional linguistics. In J. Verschueren and J. Östman (eds) Handbook of Pragmatics. amsterdam/Philadelphia: John Benjamins.
Liss, M. B. (1981) Patterns of toy play: an analysis of sex differences. Sex Roles 7(11): 1143–50. http://dx.doi.org/10.1007/BF00287590
MacWhinney, B. (2000) The CHILDES Project: Tools for Analyzing Talk. 3rd edn. Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum associates.
Martin, K. a. (2009) Normalizing heterosexuality: Mothers’ assumptions, talk, and strategies with young children. American Sociological Review 74(2): 190–207. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/000312240907400202
Martin, K. a. and Kazyak, E. (2009) Hetero-romantic love and heterosexiness in children’s G-rated films. Gender and Society 23(3): 315–36. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/0891243209335635
Martin, K. a. and Luke, K. (2010) Gender differences in the aBc’s of the birds and the bees: What mothers teach young children about sexuality and reproduction. Sex Roles 62(3-4):278–91. http://dx.doi.org/10.1007/s11199-009-9731-4
Martin, K. a., Luke, K. P. and Verduzco-Baker, L. (2007) The sexual socialization of young children: Setting the agenda for research. In S. correll (ed.) Advances in Group Processes Vol. 6: Social Psychology of Gender 231–59. Oxford: Elsevier.
Renold, E. (2006) ‘They won’t let us play … unless you’re going out with one of them’: Girls, boys and Butler’s ‘heterosexual matrix’ in the primary years. British Journal of Sociology of Education 27(4): 489–509. http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/01425690600803111
Rich, a. (1980) compulsory heterosexuality and lesbian existence. Signs 5: 631–61. http://dx.doi.org/10.1086/493756
Richthoff, U. (2000) En svensk barnspråkskorpus: Uppbyggnad och analyser. Licentiate thesis, Gothenburg University.
Robinson, K. H. (2002) Making the invisible visible: Gay and lesbian issues in early childhood education. Contemporary Issues in Early Childhood 3(3): 415–34. http://dx.doi.org/10.2304/ciec.2002.3.3.8
Robinson, K. H. (2005) ‘Queerying’ gender: Heteronormativity in early childhood education. Australian Journal of Early Childhood 30(2): 19–28.
Rubin, J. Z., Provenzano, F. J. and Luria, Z. (1974). The eye of the beholder: Parents’ views on sex of newborns. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry 44: 512–19. http://dx.doi.org/10.1111/j.1939-0025.1974.tb00905.x
Sears, J. T. (1999) Teaching queerly: Some elementary propositions. In W. J. Letts IV and J. T. Sears (eds) Queering Elementary Education: Advancing the Dialogue About Sexualities and Schooling 3–14. New York: Rowman and Littlefield.
Svennevig, J. (1999) Getting Acquainted in Conversation: A Study of Initial Interactions. amsterdam: John Benjamins.
Thorne, B. (1993) Gender Play: Girls and Boys in School. Buckingham: Open University Press.
Wallis, a. and VanEvery, J. (2000) Sexuality in the primary school. Sexualities 3(4): 409–23. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/136346000003004003
Walton, M. D., Weatherall, a. and Jackson, S. (2002) Romance and friendship in pre-teen stories about conflicts: ‘We decided that boys are not worth it’. Discourse and Society 13(5): 673–89. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/0957926502013005279
Wikström, Å. (2008) Den finita satsen i små barns språk. Nordiska språk, Språk- och litteraturcentrum, Lunds universitet.
Angelides, S. (2011) What’s behind child sex panics? The Bill Henson scandal. Lambda Nordica 16(2-3): 102–27.
Annfelt, T., andersen, B. and Bolsø, a. (eds) (2007) Når heteroseksualiteten må forklare seg. Trondheim: Tapir akademisk Forlag.
Austin, J. L. (1962) How to Do Things with Words. Oxford: clarendon Press.
Bing, J. M. and Bergvall, V. (1996) The question of questions: Beyond binary thinking. In V. L. Bergvall, J. M. Bing and a. F. Freed (eds) Rethinking Language and Gender Research: Theory and Practice 1–30. London: Longman.
Blaise, M. (2005) a feminist poststructuralist study of children ‘doing’ gender in an urban kindergarten classroom. Early Childhood Research Quarterly 20: 85–108. http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.ecresq.2005.01.002
Boldt, G. M. (1996) Sexist and heterosexist responses to gender bending in an elementary classroom. Curriculum Inquiry 26(2): 113–31. http://dx.doi.org/10.2307/1180039
Bucholtz, M. and Hall, K. (2004) Theorizing identity in language and sexuality research. Language in Society 33: 469–515. http://dx.doi.org/10.1017/S0047404504334020
Butler, J. (1990) Gender Trouble: Feminism and the Subversion of Identity. New York: Routledge.
Cahill, B. J. and Theilheimer, R. (1999) Stonewall in the housekeeping area: Gay and lesbian issues in the early childhood classroom. In W. J. Letts IV and J. T. Sears (eds) Queering Elementary Education: Advancing the Dialogue About Sexualities and Schooling 39–48. New York: Rowman and Littlefield.
Cameron, D. (1997) Performing gender identity: Young men’s talk and the construction of heterosexual masculinity. In S. Johnson and U. Meinhof (eds) Language and Masculinity 47–64. Oxford : Blackwell.
Cameron, D. and Kulick, D. (2003) Language and Sexuality. cambridge: cambridge University Press. http://dx.doi.org/10.1017/cBO9780511791178
Cameron, D. and Kulick, D. (2006) General introduction. In D. cameron and D. Kulick (eds) The Language and Sexuality Reader 1–12. London: Routledge.
Clark, E. V. (2009) First Language Acquisition. 2nd edn. cambridge: cambridge University Press. http://dx.doi.org/10.1017/cBO9780511806698
Davies, B. (2003) Frogs and Snails and Feminist Tales: Preschool Children and Gender. Revised edition. cresskill, NJ: Hampton Press.
Eckert, P. (1994) Entering the heterosexual marketplace: Identities of subordination as a developmental imperative. Working Papers on Learning and Identity 2. Palo alto: Institute for Research on Learning. http://www.stanford. edu/~eckert/PDF/subordination.pdf
Eckert, P. (1996) Vowels and nail polish: The emergence of linguistic style in the preadolescent heterosexual marketplace. In N. Warner, J. ahlers, L. Bilmes, M. Oliver, S. Wertheim and M. chen (eds) Gender and Belief Systems 183–90. Berkeley: Berkeley Women and Language Group.
Eckert, P. and Mcconnell-Ginet, S. (2003) Language and Gender. cambridge: cambridge University Press. http://dx.doi.org/10.1017/cBO9780511791147
Epstein, D., Kehily, M., Mac an Ghaill, M. and Redman, P. (2001) Boys and girls come out to play: Making masculinities and femininities in school playgrounds. Men and Masculinities 4(2): 158–72. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/1097184X01004002004
Fausto-Sterling, a. (1993) The five sexes: Why male and female are not enough. The Sciences March/april: 20–24.
Fausto-Sterling, a. (2000) The five sexes, revisited. The Sciences July/august: 19–23.
Filipi, a. (2007) a toddler’s treatment of ‘mm’ and ‘mm hm’ in talk with a parent. Australian Review of Applied Linguistics 30(3): 33.1–33.17.
Forrester, M. a. (2008) The emergence of self-repair: a case study of one child during the early preschool years. Research on Language and Social Interaction 41(1): 99–128. http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/08351810701691206
Gardner, H. and Forrester, M. (eds) (2010) Analysing Interactions in Childhood: Insights from Conversation Analysis. chichester: Wiley-Blackwell.
Håkansson, G. (1998) Språkinlärning hos barn. Lund: Studentlitteratur.
Kane, E. W. (2006) ‘No way my boys are going to be like that! Parents’ responses to children’s gender nonconformity. Gender and Society 20(2): 149–76. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/0891243205284276
Katz, J. N. (2007) The Invention of Heterosexuality. chicago and London: University of chicago Press.
Kiesling, S. F. (2002) Playing the straight man: Displaying and maintaining male heterosexuality in discourse. In K. campbell-Kibler, R. J. Podesva, S. J. Roberts and a. Wong (eds) Language and Sexuality: Contesting Meaning in Theory and Practice 249–66. Stanford: cSLI Publications.
Kitzinger, c. (2005a) Heteronormativity in action: Reproducing the heterosexual nuclear family in after-hours medical calls. Social Problems 52(4): 477–98. http://dx.doi.org/10.1525/sp.2005.52.4.477
Kitzinger, c. (2005b) ‘Speaking as a heterosexual’: (How) does sexuality matter for talk-in-interaction? Research on Language and Social Interaction 38(3): 221–65. http://dx.doi.org/10.1207/s15327973rlsi3803_2
Kulick, D. (ed) (2005) Queersverige. Stockholm: Natur och Kultur.
Land, V. and Kitzinger, c. (2005) Speaking as a lesbian: correcting the heterosexist assumption. Research on Language and Social Interaction 38(4): 371–416. http://dx.doi.org/10.1207/s15327973rlsi3804_1
Land, V. and Kitzinger, c. (2011) categories in talk-in-interaction: Gendering speaker and recipient. In S. a. Speer and E. Stokoe (eds) Conversation and Gender 48–63. cambridge: cambridge University Press.
Lever, J. (1976) Sex differences in the games children play. Social Problems 23(4): 478–87. http://dx.doi.org/10.1525/sp.1976.23.4.03a00100
Lindahl, L. B., Heimann, M. and Balheden, S. (1997) connections between degree of social proximity and gender typed play in mother-infant interactions. Göteborg Psychological Reports 27(11): 1–12.
Lindsey, E. W. and Mize, J. (2001) contextual differences in parent-child play: Implications for children’s gender role revelopment. Sex Roles 44(3/4): 155–76. http://dx.doi.org/10.1023/a:1010950919451
Lindström, J. (2006) Interactional linguistics. In J. Verschueren and J. Östman (eds) Handbook of Pragmatics. amsterdam/Philadelphia: John Benjamins.
Liss, M. B. (1981) Patterns of toy play: an analysis of sex differences. Sex Roles 7(11): 1143–50. http://dx.doi.org/10.1007/BF00287590
MacWhinney, B. (2000) The CHILDES Project: Tools for Analyzing Talk. 3rd edn. Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum associates.
Martin, K. a. (2009) Normalizing heterosexuality: Mothers’ assumptions, talk, and strategies with young children. American Sociological Review 74(2): 190–207. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/000312240907400202
Martin, K. a. and Kazyak, E. (2009) Hetero-romantic love and heterosexiness in children’s G-rated films. Gender and Society 23(3): 315–36. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/0891243209335635
Martin, K. a. and Luke, K. (2010) Gender differences in the aBc’s of the birds and the bees: What mothers teach young children about sexuality and reproduction. Sex Roles 62(3-4):278–91. http://dx.doi.org/10.1007/s11199-009-9731-4
Martin, K. a., Luke, K. P. and Verduzco-Baker, L. (2007) The sexual socialization of young children: Setting the agenda for research. In S. correll (ed.) Advances in Group Processes Vol. 6: Social Psychology of Gender 231–59. Oxford: Elsevier.
Renold, E. (2006) ‘They won’t let us play … unless you’re going out with one of them’: Girls, boys and Butler’s ‘heterosexual matrix’ in the primary years. British Journal of Sociology of Education 27(4): 489–509. http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/01425690600803111
Rich, a. (1980) compulsory heterosexuality and lesbian existence. Signs 5: 631–61. http://dx.doi.org/10.1086/493756
Richthoff, U. (2000) En svensk barnspråkskorpus: Uppbyggnad och analyser. Licentiate thesis, Gothenburg University.
Robinson, K. H. (2002) Making the invisible visible: Gay and lesbian issues in early childhood education. Contemporary Issues in Early Childhood 3(3): 415–34. http://dx.doi.org/10.2304/ciec.2002.3.3.8
Robinson, K. H. (2005) ‘Queerying’ gender: Heteronormativity in early childhood education. Australian Journal of Early Childhood 30(2): 19–28.
Rubin, J. Z., Provenzano, F. J. and Luria, Z. (1974). The eye of the beholder: Parents’ views on sex of newborns. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry 44: 512–19. http://dx.doi.org/10.1111/j.1939-0025.1974.tb00905.x
Sears, J. T. (1999) Teaching queerly: Some elementary propositions. In W. J. Letts IV and J. T. Sears (eds) Queering Elementary Education: Advancing the Dialogue About Sexualities and Schooling 3–14. New York: Rowman and Littlefield.
Svennevig, J. (1999) Getting Acquainted in Conversation: A Study of Initial Interactions. amsterdam: John Benjamins.
Thorne, B. (1993) Gender Play: Girls and Boys in School. Buckingham: Open University Press.
Wallis, a. and VanEvery, J. (2000) Sexuality in the primary school. Sexualities 3(4): 409–23. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/136346000003004003
Walton, M. D., Weatherall, a. and Jackson, S. (2002) Romance and friendship in pre-teen stories about conflicts: ‘We decided that boys are not worth it’. Discourse and Society 13(5): 673–89. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/0957926502013005279
Wikström, Å. (2008) Den finita satsen i små barns språk. Nordiska språk, Språk- och litteraturcentrum, Lunds universitet.
Published
2012-09-10
Issue
Section
Regular Articles
How to Cite
Ericsson, S. (2012). ‘That is the dad and this is the mum’: Parent-child co-construction of heterosexual identities in conversations. Gender and Language, 6(2), 405-432. https://doi.org/10.1558/genl.v6i2.405
